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An Open Letter to the Isolated Mama

Dear Mom,

It’s not supposed to be this way. This type of hard. This ache of lonely. 

There’s a lot that comes with the gift of motherhood. The nightly feedings, the tired mornings, the leaning on or learning what our intuition says. (or where our intuition is…) 

Wonder, chaos, unpredictability, and love. This is all normal, functional, in service of – our becoming. Our formation and initiation into the this new role, as Mother (1st or 5th, you become ‘new’ with every child) 

What’s not normal?

Mothering, largely alone. This is a recent “normal” for the modern mom but it’s more like an unnatural phenomenon, an epidemic, a tragedy – whatever you want to call it. 

Here’s The Situation

We have, in large part, lost the village. Once upon a time (well, 200 short years ago) people grew up with their families. The village was in working order- family and friends helping each other. Helping moms and dads care for their young, the way it had always been. Then enters industrialization, reorganizing families from farm to city, from community to the now modern ways of isolation.

“Being alone we were no longer able to mother as intensely as when that care was shared by the whole family unit.” – Julia Jones 

We now find ourselves in a time that Isolated Mothering is the standard way of living. It’s important to know that you were not designed for this! We are hardwired for community. Science today doesn’t just acknowledge connection as beneficial, but as essential to our survival. It’s no wonder moms are finding themselves in a position of overwhelm, not feeling able to handle the needs of even one child let alone their entire family. Postpartum is now more often associated with words like depression, psychosis, and mood disorders.

Is ours not a strange culture that focuses so much on childbirth. Virtually all of it based on anxiety and fear- and so little on the crucial time after birth, when patterns are established that will affect the individual and the family for decades?” – Suzanne Arms 

There is a gap in our culture when it comes to postpartum care- that is the way new mothers are looked after upon the birth of their baby. Our focus is primarily on pregnancy and birth. Think baby showers, prenatal everything, birth prep classes, and more. Time is spent planting the seed(s) watching them grow and preparing, preparing, preparing for the flower to break through the soil. It’s as if there is a societal neglecting that this sacred flower still needs watered once it’s come through. Instead we stop, admire the work it took to get there, take off our gloves and walk away.

You may be familiar with the period of forty days and forty nights. There is a great significance to this time period and truth to be uprooted within it. 

My Mission 

This next season is a critical period. The transition to motherhood. I long for us a collective to begin remembering the needs of Newborn Mothers. It is important for me to say that this does not denote a fathers truly vital role. It is simply not my area of focus with this message. Once the Mother is cared for in the highest regard, she is equipped to care for her child in the same way. It is my Heart Work to bring forward this awareness. My desire is for this do it yourself mindset to shift. To shine a light on the darkness depression, isolation, and anxiety bring forth to relinquish the grip it has on us. This should be a time for intense bonding, blossoming love, and being allowed to adjust to this new way of life with support and grace. 

This is my heart. From creating for you honest images to sharing with you the knowledge and personal experiences I’ve acquired thus far through my own wellness & parenting journey. My role as a doula and coach exists to help equip you to be the Mother you want to be. To be seen, to be connected and to share your voice. I desire to be of service to your many roles in many ways throughout Motherhood. 

“After birth there is a Sacred Window of time, a time for complete rejuvenation of a woman’s physical, mental and spiritual health…a time for deep, extended bonding with her newborn… The first 42 days after birth set the stage for her next 42 years.” Ysha Oakes

And as always, here is to the life you are and the life you bring,

Jessi

You can find out more here about how you can benefit from photography, here for my postpartum support services, and even here for a free guide I created to help you transition from Mental Illness to Mental Wellness, whether in the postpartum period or not.

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