You guys I’m alive. When I had every invitation from my inner and outer reality to be dead, at the very least to life. You know, coping. Managing. Existing. Well, it’s not the script I’m writing. And, this happened 😭 (see: above video)
This story was 10 years in the making. From the age my emotions became professionally pathologized and medicated, to the age I began my reclaiming who I was.
And not who I am with my “mood disorders” to display unashamedly, but who I am underneath their diagnostic labels. Who I could be when I learned how to use my, what once were “problems,” to elevate and add to my experience instead of make it one worth fearing.
When I began to understand the multifaceted layers, the once outside of my awareness nuances, comprising the walking and talking and thinking and feeling (oh my GOSH, feeling…) organism that was my person – which is to say, when I had a greater understanding of how my body functions, I could take my healing to an unprecedented level of vitality.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression at 16, which through the years snowballed to:
Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
Borderline Personality Disorder.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Bipolar type ll.
I was told I’d need to be on medication the rest of my life. And not only am I off all meds and loving my experience, but it’s not even about meds vs no meds for me. It’s that I. Am. Loving. My. Experience. (not every isolated circumstance, but my overall and evolving experience) I am alive in my skin. I am awakened to our potential to heal and post traumatically grow from our life’s circumstances. No one is exempt. No one. And this known capacity to heal, what I once didn’t think (let alone know!) was possible, it’s changed my life. And I watch it change the lives of others, those I know, those I love, and those I don’t know, all the time.
I have switched from victim and survivor, to creator and thriver. And I’m so excited that my story can, and will continue to in its unfolding journey, so powerfully impact the lives of others. Because you are not exempt. I believe we were made for more than managing symptoms and the mechanisms of coping. And I’m talking to those of you who believe this, or want to believe this, too. Mental illness, chronic illness, trauma, and disease alike. I am not special. You can do this too. And of course radical remission of symptoms is possible, and happens all the time. But don’t let that distract you from believing that even the “least” you can attain is actually enjoying the experience of your being alive. You are powerful. You are potential. And I’m so honored to be here now, speaking this from my heart, from my experience. Thank you Kelly Brogan MD – Holistic Psychiatrist for being one light (one very bright, way-shower kind of light) on my path.
I now enjoy the experience of my life, more than I enjoy being asleep to it. And that’s a big deal if you know the depths I’ve been to. This kind of script can be written for you, by you, too.